Stressed and Venting

So, I'm pretty stressed out and I really need to just get this all out somewhere. For me, that is the best way for me to deal with things.

Basically, this semester has been really stressful, from drama going on with different people, stress over what the hell I'm going to do after graduation, classes, and the fact that I feel like my emotions are all out of wack.

Other than when I was little, I have never really been big on crying. I absolutly hate crying especially in front of people, and especially over guys. That being said, I feel like it's all I have been doing this semester. Ever since Valentine's day, things have really been bothering me. Ok, I guess it has really been since just before Thanksgiving, when I went to my cousin's wedding. I realized there that I have never had a date to bring to anything. I hate always being the one to go to things alone. I feel like I am always the third wheel. The worst part is that I have a sorority formal coming up in the end of April. I have been debating going ever since winter break. I let everyone convince we to go and actually bought a dress today, but I am still really stressed out about it. I'm just afraid that I won't have fun because it will make me depressed and then it won't be fun for anyone else. I try to explain that to people, but I don't feel like they really understand. God know's that there is someone that I would love to ask, but I can't, because we aren't even friends, never talk, and I suck at that type of shit. And even if somehow I was able to go with him, it would be awkward as hell because, again, I suck at this stuff. I never know what to say to people, even my friends half the time.

The thing that I think is the hardest for me, and that I also feel the most guilty about is that my best friend finally has the chance at a relationship, or something along those lines, that she has wanted for over a year. As happy as I am that she has that chance and is happy, I feel like I never get that chance. She always seems to be in a relationship, or have someone that is interested, and I never do. I know that she knows that i get upset about that type of stuff and that makes me feel even worse, because I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and she should just be happy because of what she has and not have to worry about me or feel like she has to keep anything from me because I get upset. SHe is my best friend and I don't want her to think that i hate her for any reason, I just wish it could be my turn for once....


It's nice to finally get that off of my chest. It really did help, and now I am going to go to bed and get some sleep, then get up for my WONDERFUL classes tomorrow (please take note of the sarcasm).

'Night